Vibrators are definitely something I never thought would be racing one another. I wonder what the winner gets? Lube? A year’s supply of batteries? A first place blue ribbon? All great prizes. Do you think there’s an announcer that calls the race like they do with race cars and horses? If so, this is how I think a vibrator race would sound. In lane one Big Red has the lead by a full length, but on the outside in lane four Little Missy is gaining ground. In lane two Super Charger is a distant third … and bringing up the rear in lane three is Put A Smile On Her Face. It’s a two vibe race now coming into the home stretch between Big Red and Little Missy. Little Missy is coming up fast but Big Red is looking strong in the final 10 metres. And it’s Little Missy at the finish line by a tip.
Hope you enjoyed the race. Now enjoy a bunch of funny links that are Steven Humour approved. All personally checked by me for their funniness. So feel free to click away. No need to push. There’s plenty enough to go around.
When I saw this sign that read “food items beyond this point have passed their expiration dates,” I thought to myself, now this is a grocery store that puts quality and their customers first. Not many places do this. Most of them would be foolish enough to throw out expired food due to the fact that someone might get sick from it or that they could get sued. That’s really stupid of them when all they need to do is put up a sign like this one did. Hey, we put a sign so that makes selling possibly bad food A-OK. It’s kinda like when someone puts on the hazard lights on their car they feel that act alone entitles them to park anywhere they want regardless if it’s a no parking zone. I wonder how that car owner would feel if I put on a baseball uniform and that meant I could take batting practice on their head and tail lights? I’m sure they’d have a problem with that. Ok, I’m getting off topic here. Back to business.
I bet you this fine establishment also offers the best in cockroaches, and dead rodents in the corner the shopkeeper beat to death with a broom the day before. I can just imagine the feces smeared on the walls and the front window … and the food someone took a bite of but didn’t like so they put it back on the shelf. I wonder if this store has a section for half eaten food? If it’s half eaten then that means it’s half price. Wow, what a deal! I think I’ll buy two. Doesn’t it just make you want to shop there? Yeah, me too.
If anyone knows the address of this place please pass it on to me cause I have some friends coming over for dinner tonight and I’d like to serve them a nice hot bowl of botulism with a dash of salmonella.
So who wants to take a crack at captioning a picture featuring some shirtless dude wearing military fatigues with his arm around an old lady holding a machine guy? Any takers? Come on, you know you want to.
As you can see by this picture of an iceberg that’s shaped an awfully lot like a penis, I think this is proof positive that Mother Nature indeed does have a sense of humour.
I wonder who’d want to steal a toilet? Maybe a better question would be, if your toilet was stolen, how would you be describe it to police? Umm, yes, it’s white and has very distinctive brown splatter marks in the back of the bowl that have somehow fused themselves with the porcelain due to a lack of cleaning. I know that may sound gross but at least the have something to go on now.
Anyhow, here are my links for the day that are Steven Humour approved. I checked them all out first and they’re funny. I wouldn’t lie. So click them. You’ll laugh now and possibly thank me later.
I don’t know what you think, but I think this guy might have one too many piercings. I’ve circled the one that I think pushed it too far. For me it’s just thrown off the whole look. Piercings are like a painting, one too many, just like brush strokes, and you ruin the masterpiece.
You know those AT&T commercials where the person says I’m so and so’s phone and he’s not answering right now cause there’s no bars here, right? Well here’s a really funny parody of those commercials where the guy’s phone that isn’t ringing is a gangster and there’s a hit out on him, but he won’t get that message cause he doesn’t use AT&T. Bummer. I think the moral of this is, if you’re a gangster it pays to have good cell service unless you watch to deal with the business end of a chainsaw.
WARNING: this video contains course language. So if you’re offended by that, then you better not fucking watching it.
When I watched this video, I thought it was insanely hilarious. And it pretty much speaks the truth with every single word the guy sings. I’m not married, but if I was, I would be smart enough not to say any of these things to my wife. That is, unless I wanted a divorce … or a beating with one of those frozen Hungry Man dinners just before my wife threw it in the microwave for me for dinner.
Gone are the days when street beggars just used their hat or an old tin can to collect money from a passersby. Now instead of those tried and true methods of cash collection, they’re using a new tool, Pay Pal. I guess this makes sense cause if you don’t evolve with the times you get left behind. But still, wtf? That guy would have to do something really special for me to write down his email, go all the way home, turn on my computer, log into Pay Pal, and give him money that way. He’s going to have to have more than just a sign and a sad face for that to happen. He’d at least have to be playing a guitar, singing a song, jumping on one foot, and polishing my shoes. If I indeed wore shoes that needed polishing. Maybe then I’d go that extra mile … but I don’t see that happening.
I love his email 40dude@gmail.com. I guessing homelessdude@gmail.com was taken. I’m wondering though who 1 through 39 dude@gmail.com are … and if they’re are also begging for money with Pay Pay? I should try emailing them and see what happens. My luck though if I did I’d get some weirdo wanting to trade naked pictures of his wife with me. Which wouldn’t be all that bad if when he said naked pictures of his wife he didn’t actually mean naked pictures of himself in a blonde wig and high heels … and just figured I wouldn’t notice. Hey buddy, I notice that kind of thing. I’m not stupid. I can tell the difference between real hair and a wig. At least I can most of the time.
